After the months of time spent familiarizing myself with all aspects of the essay, the time has come for me to address where I stand. With this form in particular, I claimed before to have little love or inspiration to work further. Essay as a word was foreboding, indicating a literary prison that was designated as an assignment, as work that was centered around the sense of production for grades. This semester has done more than shifted this mindset; it has relieved me of any sense of burden, and opened my eyes to the endless potential in a number of forums to innumerable audiences.
Even before diving into this Theory and Practice course, I wrote my essay for the Battenfeld Award to discuss my relationship with literature, and little did I know how much space I allowed myself. I thought that my diction was too informal, too lacking in structure, and carried too much emotion without analysis or discussion. Hence why I was baffled to hear a few weeks later that I had been chosen to receive the award; in hindsight, I managed something that I had always wanted from the essay as a form, without being conscious of doing so. And maybe that is why the form feels like an art, because it speaks directly from the writer in the shape that it needs to take. It can carry weight, almost an infinite amount, provided the words that build its structure are strong and properly framed, and anyone that has something to say can appreciate that fact alone.
This course threw open the door with ferocity, and I welcomed the change and the challenges it brought. My own writing style came under a new type of scrutiny, but it only inspired positive change. Over the course of months I learned how to form my presence within the essay, while still maintaining a force and reason to be read. It forced me to be honest with myself, both about what I wanted to say, but also what I was trying to achieve, something I desperately needed as a writer that desires to make waves with words. It will still require work, careful thoughts on what I have already written and further consideration of what I will write in the future, but the sense of direction is there.
Most importantly, it gave me the space to work, to develop my ideas and my understanding of the things I am passionate about. I needed this time and space, especially so close to graduation, because I am rejoining the working world with goals and dreams that are far beyond just working a nine to five job. It may not be my form of choice, as I suspect my close relationship with fiction is almost impossible to shake, but it will remain an option and maybe an outlet for other purposes in the world. There is no end here, even as I leave the college in a few short days, only a new beginning from which I will spring from the earth to greet the world.
For any and all readers, thank you for following this journey of thought, and I wish you the best of the world in the coming days.